Man Cat Faces His Inner Demons

Grandpa

Hi again. I'd like to thank you for taking the time to read The Daily Man Cat. Man Cat says thank you as well. We'd like to take this time, however, to discuss a serious epidemic plaguing America: Feline Obesity.

Man Cat gone seriously wrong

Feline Obesity is a problem near and dear to Man Cat's heart. As far back as he can remember his family has suffered from this deadly disease. His grandfather, suffered a long life of portly circumstance which hindered seemingly everything except for his ability to father children as he had nearly 35 children to his name. Naturally, when one has such a widespread lineage some of the litter will be abnormally large, some will be runts, but no. Of the 35 baby kitties all 35 suffered the same inexhaustible fate as their father: unfathomable obesity. This carried on through the lineage to Man Cat and his brothers and sisters (all regular, run-of-the-mill cats, mind you). Sadly, this did not bode well for Man Cat and his siblings. It's only natural for the little tykes to get teased by the other cats, dogs, rabbits, and other domesticated animals (we all do it, after all), but when your entire family is fat enough that there's not enough Pepperidge Farms Goldfish in the entire world to feed them that teasing escalates to another level. Couple onto that the fact that one of them is not exactly what you'd consider your typical domesticated animal, a mutant of sorts, well, you can imagine how tortured the teasing became. With all the teasing came a vicious cycle of eating to hide behind. Food became a kind of shield to Man Cat's family- a way for them to escape the realities of everyday life at school and in the neighborhood. But Man Cat knew it was time to break the cycle.

As one can imagine, living in a household of furry football-shaped cats diet and exercise can be nigh impossible, but Man Cat set out to do just that: accomplish the impossible. At first, he had to start small: hiding food, pretending to eat more, say he was going out to eat when instead he went to the gym. But slowly Man Cat started to shed pounds and get stronger. Slowly but surely, as his siblings grew rounder and rounder, blood sugars spiraling wildly out of control, Man Cat's abs grew more and more chiseled. During this time Man Cat found solace in talking to the one person who seemed to understand: his grandfather (pictured at the top of this post by the way!). There's just something about grandparents, isn't there? They (the good ones at least) always have the answer to the questions you've yet to ask, always piling on wisdom gleaned through life onto you. You see, Grandpa Cat knew what it was like to go through life a fat feline fur ball. The pain, the discomfort, the constant snow of dandruff reminding you of your roly poly self.

Man Cat in his present chiseled glory

Man Cat continued his diet and exercise regimen into his adult life, making friends at the gym, even getting a few dates. In truth, he'd found his acceptance. Finally, Man Cat found a place he felt comfort, a place he felt at home. Over time, Man Cat lost touch with everyone in his family except for his grandpa, whom he would stop by and visit sporadically. On his grandfather's 75^th birthday, Man Cat found his grandfather in the corner of the living room observing the festivities in his honor, so he decided to sit with him and keep him company. They didn't talk, not to each other not to anyone else either. They just sat; they didn't need to talk, though; everything they needed to say to each other was written firmly on their faces. And from the glint in his grandfather's eyes, Man Cat knew that he'd made his grandfather proud, and that is all that matters to him.


Until next time, thanks for reading, -Dennis