On Music, And It's Constant Failings In Relation To Usher, et al

You may recall a certain song from 2010 by Usher titled OMG. It's one of those songs that became many a girls's jam. It had a couple things going for it: 1) a hook 2) Usher Raymond.


Let's take a look at this masterpiece, shall we?
(Lyrics not mine)

[Will.I.Am:]
Oh my gosh
Baby let me......
I did it again, so I'm gone let the beat drop
Oh my

A fine introduction, although what, exactly, has will.i.am done again? Written a song? Produced one? Plagiarized? Let's continue.

[Chorus:]
Baby let me love you down
There's so many ways to love ya

This is very compelling. Although, "let me love you down" sounds dirty, I will assume this is a much more wholesome sentiment based upon the next line which, accurately, posits that there are many ways to love. Already suggested is to love "down." I dutifully offer "up" as just one such alternative loving style. It's much more optimistic, anyway, don't you think?

Baby I can break you down
There's so many ways to love ya

This does not sound like something a lover would say. Why would he want to break her? Why would you want to render your love incapacitated. Maybe Usher wants to take advantage of his baby? If so, what kind of love is this? Again, he posits there are many ways to love. This time, I offer the suggestion, "I can build you up" in lieu of his line.

Got me like, ooh myy gosh I'm soo in love
I found you finally, you make me want to say
Oh, oh , oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
Ohh my gosh
You make me want to say
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

I'm not sure what to say about this, honestly. For such huge stars (Usher and will.i.am) this is middling emotions at best. I mean, really? Apparently he (or someone) is soooooo in love it makes him want to say "oh" repeatedly. On the one hand, it doesn't encourage him to say anything, just encourages him to, for once, actually want to say something. Then, upon realizing this revelation, he breaks down to the literary bombshell that is "oh" over and over again.

Personally, if all Krissy could come up with to describe her love for me is "oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh" I'd be insulted.

[Verse 1:]
I fell in love with shawty when I seen her on the dance floor
She was dancing sexy, pop, pop, popping, dropping, dropping low

Here, we begin to see the depth of Usher's heart. Here, we learn of the beginnings of what may well be the greatest love story of the twenty first century. Usher and his shorty. Or shawty, I don't know which.

Ah, love at first sight. This is kind of shallow. Love is not something you see across the dancefloor at a club while the music thuds your heart out of your chest. I understand how this can be confusing for Usher, though. The music at those places is really loud, the bass is egregious, and the ladies tend to dress...let's just say scantily.

I suspect what caught his heart was her repeated dropping, dropping low, and the visuals that that led him to imagine happening later that night.

Never ever has a lady hit me on the first sight
This was something special; this was just like dynamite

Oh, so this is the first time he's felt love at first sight. Maybe this is a part of Usher's great reawakening, lyrically and emotionally. Maybe this is the woman he cheated on his now ex-wife with. Could this be the real thing?

This is so special it's like dynamite. It will explode. Explosions, generally, are not a positive thing. Bombs explode and they kill people, lots of them, every day in fact. Maybe this is a description of his great outpouring of emotions watching shorty drop it, repeatedly.

Honey got a booty like pow, pow, pow
Honey got some boobies like wow, oh wow

Any legitimacy this song might have had, emotionally, lyrically, or any other way was just thrown out the window, just so you know. Girls, don't you love it when a guy comes up to you and tells you you've "got boobies like wow, oh wow?" I can't fathom it, but if a girl told me I had a penis like wow, oh wow, I'd wonder how she knew and call the police for feeling violated.

Anyway, my findings indicate that Usher has fallen in love at first sight based upon two facets of this woman:

• Her ass (booty)
• Her titties (boobies)

This may not have the makings of the great love affair of the twenty-first century after all.

Girl you know I'm loving your, loving your style
Check, check, check, check, check, checking you out like,
Ooh (oooh) she got it allll
Sexy from her head to toe
And I want it all, it all, it all

Usher loves her style. This makes sense, because Usher (and will.i.am) are pretty stylish themselves, so it is only fitting that he'd gravitate towards a woman's style. And her boobies.

We can't afford to forget, though, that this is a club. Club attire is not generally known for its cloying. Indeed, it's likely the opposite, clubbing attire is rather spicy. According to my scientific study which involves searching "clubbing" on Google Images, I have come to the conclusion that clubbing attire is an amalgamation of the following: (In relation to the ladies)

• They bare their midriffs and grab their own breasts, while wearing mini-skirts
• They wear t-shirts, rolled up until they are just under their breasts, and a g-string. No pants or skirt.
• They wear bikini tops/bras and short, pleated skirts.
• They wear dresses that just cover their derriere.

Apparently, she has it all, too. Does this mean she dresses and acts like a tramp? Regardless, he wants it all. No skirt will be left unturned.

[Chorus:]
Baby let me love you down
There's so many ways to love ya
Baby I can break you down
There's so many ways to love ya
Got me like, ooh myy gosh I'm soo in love
I found you finally, you make me want to say
Oh, oh , oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
Ohh my gosh

You make me want to say [repeat 2x]
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

Here, he reiterates what he said earlier. You, know, that part about loving her down, exploding, and how this ever exhaustive love makes him want to say oh, repeatedly. He just wanted to remind you, in case you forgot, or something.

[Will.I.Am:]
Feel so hard for honey out of all the girls up in this club

I hope he means that he has fallen hard for her, and not that she has gotten him aroused. This one can really go either way. By the way, you'd think if she's had this much of an effect on him, he would approach her, maybe? No, he'd rather watch creepily from a distance like a peeper.

This one got me whipped, just off one look, yep I fell in love
This one something special, this one just like dynamite

Again with the dynamite? Really? I'd think maybe will.i.am could get more creative with the earlier mention of explosion. Maybe he could have instead gone with "This one something special, this one just like Mentos and Cola."

Consider that dynamite destroys ("blighted") buildings, people, vehicles, (nonblighted) buildings, et cetera. These are not happy, positive visuals. Even when done properly and safely, for the proper reasons, there are sirens, horns, and warnings everywhere. The entire process is kind of acerbic and desensitized. But who doesn't enjoy Mentos in cola? It's fun and exciting! It's not particularly dangerous either. Anyone can understand this simile because they can reenact it. Can I go buy some dynamite and blow a building to kingdom come for a better understanding of these lyrics? No. I'd be considered a terrorist. But I can buy some Mentos and soda, and so can you. As an added bonus, you won't even be added to the No Fly List. You're welcome, will.i.am.

You're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're out of sight
Fell in love with honey like my, oh my
Honey looking wonderful; fly, so fly

Okay, so she is out of sight (nice throwback!), and fly, so fly. Oh, and again he just has to mention that he's fallen in love with her. Maybe this is a play on repetition. After all, this song is largely built upon repetition, to an extent not normally found in songs that tend to be repetitious in general anyway. Could this be a literary device? I wonder...

Honey like a supermodel; my, oh my
Baby how you do that, make a grown man cry?

Maybe not. Okay so you're in love with her. Check. She has a nice body. Check. You love her booty and boobies. Check. She's like a supermodel! Though, supermodels aren't exactly known for their bodacious booty or voluptuous breasts. In fact, any supermodel I can conjure up kind of has...well flat butts and virtually no breasts. Except for swimsuit models, but they aren't what I consider a "supermodel" or "high fashion." Heidi Klum didn't really gain those assets until fairly recently, after repeatedly dropping out Seal's babies and now what? She resigned as Chief Angel for Victoria's Secret. Maybe Victoria's secret is that she only likes curvy models if they're in their twenties or below; no MILFs allowed. Sorry Heidi, you've stumbled into this song's plot hole.

Ooh (oooh) baby, you got it alll
Sexy from her head to the toe
And I want it all, it all, it all

I think this was said already. If it wasn't it's been implied. One could likely infer this, plot holes notwithstanding.

[Chorus:]
So, honey let me love you down
There's so many ways to love ya
Baby I can break it down
There's so many ways to love ya
Got me like, ooh myy gosh I'm soo in love I found you finallyy,
You make me want to say..
Oh, oh , oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
Oh My Gosh!

The chorus again. What a refreshing break from the verse! My, oh my am I glad to have this brief reprieve from the literary blowing of my mind that is happening, lyrically.

Oh my gosh
Oh my
Oh my
Oh, oh my gosh

Oh. My. Gosh. When will it end?

[Will.I.Am:]
Oh myy gosh
I did it again
So I'm gone let the beat drop

Oh, hey, this is how the song started. Maybe this means this is over, and I can mull over what this has done to my brain. Perhaps I can now write the great novel of the twenty first century. Or just not listen to Usher ever again.

Oh, by the way, what's with the autotune. I mean, really, it's obnoxious. I'd like to think Usher can sing and doesn't need it. Why take this song which is kind of flat on its own, and juice it up with autotune? Not only is it unnecessary, but it took a song which was bad and made it worse. The only part of this song that I enjoy is the melody/beat, and that isn't original.



That's right; the Simpsons did it. In Usher and will.i.am's defense, the Simpsons have done everything, so nothing is original.

For the record, will.i.am wrote and produced the song, so I guess it's his fault that the song is unoriginal in its melody, and atrociously written.

The Dance

The Dance
Photo by:Dennis

This is my second foray into Man Cat As Art. This drawing is based upon Danse by Henri Matisse.

I chose this as my second attempt because, honestly, it seemed simple enough. However, I think that with more complicated drawings there's a bit more room for error, so this was actually harder to replicate than I thought. Also, my drawing is much smaller than Matisse's painting, since his is a mural the size of a wall on (I believe) three panels. He also painted one for The Barnes Foundation. I highly recommend The Art of the Steal, a documentary about The Barnes Foundation and how his enemies usurped his (40!) billion dollar art collection.

Man Cat As Art: The Post Man Cat

The Post Man Cat
Photo by:Dennis

This is the first entry into the Man Cat as art project I began awhile back; as you can see it is dated August 26, 2010. I decided it would be fun to merge Man Cat with real art- that is art that has already been deemed art by people who claim to be able to tell actual art from smut. This project is sort of my way of navigating the ancient world that is art by picking and choosing paintings, sculptures, and drawings that I appreciate. In other cases, I may simply decide to Man Catify a piece of art for its (potentially non-existent) comedic appeal. Regardless, this is my foray into Man Cat as art, a way to meander my way across a sheet of paper, hopefully, ending at something approaching...art.

This drawing is titled The Post Man Cat based upon Vincent van Gogh's painting The Postman.

Fur: The Story of Man Cat

Man Cat: the model, the fashion icon, the designer extraordinaire is proud to announce: "Fancy is the new Slob"

Man Cat from his J.Crew days

Many don't know this, but Man Cat has been around the block a few times. Sure, he may seem young but he's merely young at heart. Man Cat has been modelling since he was a wee lad, but, sadly, we can't use find any pictures of him modeling as a kitten (Ed note: due to a lengthy legal dispute we're unable to post said photos; once it's settled we'll be sure to add a follow up post). He's been seen on the runways in Milan, the shops in Paris (excellent bread by the way), and even in the clothing design for many of Disney's animated films; one might say he's been everywhere from Milan to Mulan. These days Man Cat is straying from the modeling scene due to Tyra being such a wretched bitch personal reasons, but he's been hard at work for the past several months on his own line (details to come). .

Needless to say, as a fashion icon (the first feline to nab a Sports Illustrated cover, mind you), Man Cat has become increasingly frustrated lately by the state of fashion: "It's appalling" he said in a recent interview, referring to Lindsay Lohan's recent line of leggings and such.

We will update you very soon on some of what Man Cat's been up to.

Man Cat in one of his Signature shirts