I Don't Eat Mashed Potatoes, And That Ain't No Crime

A bowl of mashed potatoes

That's right, I said it. I don't like mashed potatoes. I don't like them baked either. The only potato I like is fried in the form of french fries or potato chips (preferably homemade, yum. Guess what else, I don't like corn, either. A crime, for sure, but the fact is, it's not just that I don't like these (and basically every other food), I really don't like them. And this, as you can imagine, has been quite problematic for me.

I am a picky eater, as you might call me. Quite picky. I love dairy. Milk, eggs, egg nog, butter, ice cream, sour cream, yogurt, cheese, and Greek yogurt are all delicious; dairy is, and has been, a staple of my diet for probably most of my twenty five years. I like bread, hamburgers, meatballs, pasta sauce (so long as it isn't chunky). I often say I like fruits, but really I like strawberries. I can eat about three of them before I am attacked by the monster that is tart. When sliced and left to fester in sugar, I can eat a small bowl's worth. Aside from that, I don't really eat fruit. I can eat part of an apple, some kiwifruit and not a single vegetable.That's right, I don't eat vegetables and I never have.

I can't tell you how many hours I've sat at the table just waiting because "you can't leave the table until you finish everything on your plate!" My problem started at birth. I didn't eat baby food. I didn't eat as a toddler, an adolescent, and my situation has improved only marginally at best since entering adulthood.

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Growing up, we all have those children's books that we remember, the ones that mean something to us; the one that I remember is Gregory, the Terrible Eater. Or, as my mom read it to me Dennis the Terrible Eater. I guess I was born a pain in the ass and I stayed that way.

You might know a picky eater or two, maybe you give them a hard time for it. After all, how hard is it to just try something? Why so stubborn? It turns out, trying things might be harder than you'd think. Consider how a picky eater would feel going out to a party or dinner. Imagine going out and wondering if you'll end up at that Pad Thai restaurant, and the mere thought of Pad Thai disgusts you. I suspect that would make you a little uncomfortable: that is me.

It turns out, picky eating may be an eating disorder and that makes a lot of sense. According to LiveScience:

Researchers think Krause could be one of thousands suffering from a previously unrecognized illness:selective eating disorder, more commonly known as very picky eating. Instead of having a couple foods they'd rather avoid, the way most of us do, people with selective eating disorder feel there are very few foods they are even capable of eating.

This is me! This is me!

Krause likes peanut butter, crackers, grilled cheese sandwiches, chocolate milk and little else. More adventurous meals look like "a plate of barf," he told LiveScience.

"If I could snap my fingers and change, I would," he said, explaining his pickiness helped ruin two marriages, limited his career options and makes most social occasions sources of stress.

I completely understand where Mr. Krause is coming from here. Most foods don't just look gross so I avoid them, no, foods are completely unappetizing. They look...like barf, have nauseating textures, and tastes that demand I never subject my mouth and palate to such a thing ever again. And if I could simple "snap my fingers" to be "normal" I would. I like how food smells. I like making food, the process of it all is exciting and all kinds of wonderful. I simply can't eat any of it though.

"People who are picky aren't doing this just to be stubborn," said eating researcher Nancy Zucker of Duke University, explaining that extremely picky eaters experience food differently than the rest of us.

Zucker, who is also the director of the Duke Center for Eating Disorders, first became interested in selective eating, because adult picky eaters were walking in, looking for help. Their eating behavior was getting in the way of their job or social life, or they were worried about being bad role models for their kids, she said.

I think this is one of the points most people don't try to understand. Who would subject themselves to this on their own? If eating foods and liking them were a choice, wouldn't I take the easy way out and eat them? It's kind of like being gay; people are born that way. Most people, myself included, are inclined to go about things in the easiest manner possible. When two roads diverge in a yellow wood, we generally, against Robert Frost's advice, take the road oft traveled.

This is us. We're a lazy people, and that's okay.

Why climb a wall when there's a very nicely manicured path that leads around said wall, right?  Well, for some of us, there are no paths, just a wall, a really, really, realllly tall one at that. And I am certainly no champion wall/rock climber, nor do I expect others to be.

Most people with this disorder are highly embarrassed by their limited food repertoire and will go to great lengths to keep it hidden, either by avoiding social events that involve food or drinks (which ones don't?), or by making up excuses to avoid eating, such as fibbing about an upset belly.

Might I suggest, "Oh, I'm not really hungry, I just ate." Of course this doesn't work though, because our bellies belie this untruth, for when hungry, our bellies grumble. Plus, when people host gatherings they expect people to show up hungry; it's kind of rude to eat beforehand. But what choice do picky eaters have? I see two choices: eat beforehand and be rude or don't eat and go hungry. And let's face it, not eating is kind of already rude, which is why most stay home.

Selective eaters tend to like similar foods, with an emphasis on the bland and processed. They love salt. French fries are a favorite. Bacon is the only meat many of them will eat. Fruit, vegetables and alcohol are snubbed for the most part — with light beer and raw carrots being possible exceptions.

Could they be supertasters? That is, people who, because of their genetic makeup, taste certain flavors more acutely than average tasters?

This sounds about right; my food group seems to be dairy and to some extent breads and sauce. The second paragraph is particularly interesting considering in more complex foods there seems to be specific tastes that both me. It happens a lot, and most people have never believed me. Most of the foods I like are simple, because the more flavors that are added, the more opportunity to ruin something I might actually eat.

So keep in mind, picky eaters aren't setting out to be bastards, and you can't fix us. Just let us be and,  maybe, try to be a little more accommodating; we'll thank you for it.