Would You Like Some Cheez Whiz With That Whine?

There's a storm a brewing, and the mommy/food bloggers are not happy. You see, this is what happens when you replace a longstanding professional trade or career with amateurs.

I am not a journalist. I could never hope to be one on my own. I don't have access to Lexis Nexis, nor do I have information gathering services like that of NBC. I just like the stuff. I follow it where I can and do my due diligence to verify what I read.

In this same regard, food bloggers are not professionals (in the traditional sense). You can learn to cook on your own; almost everyone learns this way. But curating a food blog does not a professional make. I'm the worst person to critique food since I can't actually, you know, eat most of it.

If you truly wanted to be a critic of anything seriously, you really have to prepare. Can I critique photographs? Sure. But my reading Strobist hardly makes me an expert. Seeing movies doesn't make me an expert capable of critiquing them either. And making dinner every night and posting about it on my blog doesn't make me a foodie or an expert on foods.

Does it matter what non experts think? Of course! That's why Adam Sandler cranks out movies that critics hate. Because the rest of america loves them. But Punch Drunk Love, Spanglish, and Reign Over Me (the last one in particular) are great movies that critics loved. And they all failed at the box office.

Recently, some food bloggers got an invitation to a dinner hosted by the one and only George Duran. You know, that guy who hosts Ultimate Cake Off. The one you want to kick only slightly less than the tool that hosts Cupcake Wars.

Photo from Food Network Canada

Yeah, that guy. Food is serious business.

Apparently, some bloggers are upset because they feel like they were lied to and duped into eating free food they would not have otherwise eaten. I don't want to sound like a douche, so here's what went down (objectively).

An invitation was sent to a select few bloggers; it looked like this:

The bloggers were told that this restaurant was essentially a pop up shop of restaurants and would be open for only five days. The bloggers were allowed a guest/date, and were allowed to have a giveaway on their blogs for dinner at Sotto Terra.

I'm not familiar with how this sort of thing works, but I'm something of a skeptic. And I research pretty much everything. I don't think I am normal like this, but I'd think anyone with a large audience would at least research places they were going to blog about.

Is it normal for a restaurant to open for only five days? Restaurant equipment is exorbitant. I'd think that five days would make very little sense for a restaurant. A pop up fashion or letterpress shop? Absolutely! The amount of overhead is much lower for those businesses. Not to mention food permits, etc.

I didn't even know George Duran was a chef, so I Googled him. Turns out, he is. Go figure. He went to NYU for Communications, worked as a producer, so on and so forth. Then, he went to France to learn how to cook. To me, this is important, we'll see why later.

Next, I'd Google Ketchum. This person I'm supposed to reply to works there (or at least has an e-mail address there). Oh, they are a marketing and PR firm. That's odd, but hey, maybe that's normal. George Duran isn't going to give you his personal e-mail. For all we know, Christine is his assistant. Or his agent or something.

The invitation states that they will be dining at an Italian eatery, learn about food trends from Phil, talk to each other, and sample George's Sangria while eating a four-course meal hosted by George Duran and Phil Lempert.

A few points. This is an Italian restaurant. George Duran studied French cuisine. His specialties are French, Armenian, and South American. I'm sure he can make a decent enough Lasagna, but I would be more excited about being served Italian food by someone who's known for cooking Italian food. In the celebrity chef scene, Mario Batali immediately comes to mind. Needless to say, this is yet another red flag.

But wait, the invitation refers to George and Phil merely as hosts. I don't think it implies that they will be cooking. In fact, the only time it mentions them in relation to food is when it says they'll be served Chef Duran's Sangria. You know, something South American.

So let's read what some of the bloggers had to say.

Over at Mom Confessionals, there's this:

Our entire meal was a SHAM! We were unwilling participants in a bait-and-switch for Marie Callender’s new frozen three cheese lasagna and there were cameras watching our reactions. I’ve got a sense of humor so I was okay with it and I had been enjoying myself up until that point, but I could tell that the rest of the participants were not. Everyone feigned weak shock and faked approval of the frozen meal.

I feel like "bait-and-switch" gets thrown around a lot. This is one of those times. This was not a bait and switch. They promised a four course meal hosted by George Duran and delivered. Also, bait-and-switch is kind of excessive considering that the food was free. It's not like Best Buy having an ad for a free monitor, then not having it and convincing you to buy something else.

All in all, this blogger seemed a bit annoyed, but mostly because her guests were duped.

Next up is the very poorly named blog of Chubby Chinese Girl (cuz she's, you know, kinda skinny).

First, I'd like to commend her for being the only one who took decent photos. The crop of the invitation came from one of her photos, in fact.

Then the focus shifted to healthy eating, fresh and local, seasonal, reading our labels, so on and so forth. Sort of like a Food Inc. panel if you will. I pointed out that the reason I ate organic, fresh and good food was because my calories are very precious to me, so I want to use them wisely.

(emphasis hers)

Okay I have some problems with this. Lasagna and Razzleberry pie don't exactly conjure up words like healthy or calorie conscious to me. I honestly can't take something like Razzleberry pie seriously. It sounds like something out of Willy Wonka or (yes) Marie Calender.

The reading labels thing throws me off, though. Eating fresh, local, and seasonal [ingredients] doesn't really involve labels. I'd hope a serious chef (or food blogger) would use as little prepared foods, except maybe ones they'd made themselves.

I'm NOT their target consumer and they were totally off by thinking I would buy or promote their highly processed frozen foods after tricking me to taste it. I'm not saying I ONLY eat/write about healthy and organic foods, but what unhealthy stuff I choose to eat/write, at least I was aware of it and it was my decision to do so.

But this is hardly new. Companies have been doing this for decades--getting people to try something they'd say they dislike (Think Coke and Pepsi).

I don't think they thought that the bloggers would do nothing but praise them either. I think they wanted to give them food they'd otherwise shun because it's processed and see what they think. If they all hated it, they'd know to change the recipe or whatever. I don't think they were thinking, "Let's woo some food bloggers with a big name like George Duran, some sangria, and free lasagna. This will get us tons of free positive publicity. Nothing could possibly go wrong." No, when giving people food, you always run the risk of a negative review. Food critics always get free food, and negative reviews abound. If a food blogger thought, "I won't say anything bad, I'll be polite" then they ought to not be reviewing food. Personally, if they found it so disgusting at Sotto Terra, they should have spoken up.

If I was a foodie and expecting a home made meal from a big name chef and it was only so-so, I'd certainly at least say something to the people around me. I wouldn't call the chef out on it because I'm just not that extroverted. But hey, if I had thousands of readers who took my opinions to heart, maybe that'd be different. Who knows. But I'm sure there was at least one loud mouth (and I don't mean that in a disparaging way) in the group. Why didn't anyone say "This Lasagna tastes like crap, who the hell taught you to cook?"

But Chubby Chinese Girl was again mostly upset at having eaten processed food. She seemed more upset than the first blogger, but seemed to take it mostly in stride.

The people over at Food Mayhem, on the other hand, were nonplussed.

To Mr. George Duran:
On behalf of the the culinary world, we hereby revoke your dodin bouffant; apron; and most of all, your right to call yourself a ‘chef’. You sir are an embarrassment to those in the culinary industry working hard to maintain and enhance a culture of food as one of the best parts of living.

hyperbole, hyperbole, hyperbole. This is the equivalent of people calling each other tea baggers, libertards, or any other sensationalist garbage. This hardly disqualifies chef Duran as being a chef. He's just doing his job as a spokesman for Con Agra Foods. Anyone who has watched the Food Network (and they all do) would see Food Network chefs promoting products during the commercial break.

Normally, I'd run down a response to an entire blog post like this, but it's so filled with sensationalist, angry bitterness that I'm not even going to bother. (some examples, just so I don't look like a sourpuss):

Let’s consider a more personal hypothetical: George, how would you feel if invited to my home, fed chicken cordon bleu, and then afterwards informed that we had secretly stuffed the cavity with entrails of rats found in the street, cleansed using various chemicals from the utility closet, such as bleach (also food safe in small quantities).

because excessive salt and food coloring is just like bleach and dirty rat innards.

After several minutes, your partner-in-crime Phil Lempert addressed the group...

Crime? What crime? Inviting you to dinner? Giving you free food?

What good P.R. teams do not do is lie to build attendance. Lying to media makes it that much harder for legitimate P.R. teams to achieve their goals. Build trust, not facades.

P.R. teams lie all the time. This is what people refer to as spin. Sure, maybe it's not really lying. But it's just like advertising. Lying wrapped with a pretty bow. And I wouldn't consider food bloggers media any more than I'd consider myself the media. Sorry, maybe it's nit picky, but no.

This line is probably the closest to a sane point made in the post and even it is pushing it:

Whether a belief is grounded in religion or science or completely random, part of your job as a chef is to support it. This is not taste preference, such as putting ketchup on steak tartare, this is what one chooses to eat. Would you feed beef to a Hindu? Swine to someone kosher? Or, chicken to a vegan? I am none of those, but would never force them to do something against their belief.

No. Seriously, no. Do not compare this to feeding beef to a Hindu. Or non kosher pig during Passover. Or even vegans. This is an insult to them.

Believing in natural products that haven't been processed is a fair belief to have. I, too, think there's way too much unnecessary shit in our food. There's absolutely no reason for high fructose corn syrup in bread, for example. But this is not an appropriate analogue.

But let's be clear here: this should not have even been a surprise. All these bloggers needed to do is a little bit of legwork. The last blogger actually referred to the group as "the media." Well, the media actually does research beforehand. What would a little research have uncovered?

George Duran is a spokesman for Imusa, selling things like pressure cookers and cookware.

At least as of January of this year, George Duran has worked with Con Agra Foods. There are even pictures of him. Seriously, this is not that hard.

Of course, not everyone who attended was as flagrantly pissed off. Kimberly Coleman took it all in stride and didn't get bent out of shape.

We were all shocked. You could have knocked us over with a feather, because we never saw that coming. Personally, I found it hilarious. I turned to my friend who came with me and said, “Oh my gosh…I feel like Justin Timberlake on Punk’d!” (I didn’t almost cry/totally lose my street cred for a minute though…but that’s another commentary.) In any event, from what I observed (and I could totally be wrong/people could have went home and had totally different reactions) the group on my night thought that it was a fun way for MC to prove their point that their new lasagna was as good as homemade lasagna. (I couldn’t stop teasing my Italian friend for not knowing the difference though…he grew up on his grandmother’s authentic Italian food!)

But you know what they say. One person's hilarious joke is another person's hellish nightmare. Or something like that.

This all kinda reminds me of this episode of Penn & Teller in a way


P.S. Don't get me started on bottled water.
P.P.S. Maybe this from Consumer Reports was just too late for some bloggers.

Doughnuts: Perhaps The Most Delicious Food On Earth. Perhaps.

There is something uniquely magical about doughnuts. I don't get doughnuts often, since they're not exactly the healthiest thing for you, but any time I wander my way into a Dunkin' Donuts, I am drawn to Boston Creme.

I've long wanted to make my own, for many reasons, but mainly because doughnuts are absolutely friggin' delicious. Also, I think doughnuts runs in every New Englanders veins, much like that of maple syrup in that of those in Vermont. No wonder Bernie Sanders is so awesome.

For Christmas, I received Flour, which is the eponymous cookbook put out by the restaurant (Flour, obviously).




In the cookbook was a recipe for doughnuts. Aside from eclairs, this is the recipe I felt I needed to make as soon as possible. Unfortunately, I lacked a few important items. First, I had no round cutters, which is kind of important when you're making doughnuts which are, you know, round. And as for eclairs, I also did not have any kind of piping tools. Now, I have both, so I am certainly looking forward to making some eclairs, like, now.



Making doughnuts is surprisingly easy, though it does require a few things.

First, you are going to need ingredients, obviously. These are all standard baking stuffs, so I wouldn't worry too much. Flour, butter, milk, eggs, and the like. If you bake, you most certainly have what you need.

As far as tools, you'll need a way to roll out dough. Either a French rolling pin or a standard. I like the aesthetics of a french pin, but I make do with a regular old rolling pin.

You'll also be needing a way to cut the doughnuts. You can either use round cookie cutters, or a special doughnut cutter. Personally, I'm happy with my round cookie cutters. They come in various sizes from about 3/4 of an inch to three-and-a-half inches. I like that they are multipurpose, whereas doughnut cutters really only serve to, well, cut out doughnuts. The choice is yours.

Since doughnuts are fried (yes, there are also baked cake doughnuts, but those are different), you're going to need a way to fry them. You can either use a deep fryer, if you have one, or a heavy pot.

The benefits to a fryer, is temperature control. Since they have a temperature dial on them, you can maintain a regular temperature. But, the downside is that you may not be able to fit as many doughnuts in. I could fit only two at best in mine.

Heavy stock pots, like Le Creuset, Staub, or Lodge will also work fabulously. Obviously these are expensive, but they can be used for so many different things. Besides, they look good. Fryers aren't exact;y the most beautiful kitchen artifacts. This method, is a bit trickier, though since you have no temperature dials. You can use an oil/candy thermometer, or throw in a dash of flour into the oil. When it sizzles, your oil is ready.



The nice thing about making your own goodies is that you know what goes into them, and that you don't have to waste anything. The "holes" can become little munchkins or donettes. Even the scraps can be recycled into new dough for new doughnuts. There wasn't a single scrap of dough that went to waste. which was nice. I ended up with nine doughnuts, and countless doughnut holes, which are a good snack. The nice thing about the doughnut holes is that they tend to turn themselves over when the other half needs to be fried. Not many foods cook themselves. How awesome are doughnuts?



We made some doughnuts plain, some were coated with sugar, and some were coated with cinnamon sugar-- probably one of the tastiest combinations you can imagine.



The recipe takes about two days. The first day is just making the dough. This takes maybe ten to fifteen minutes. Wrapping up the dough to let it rest and retard overnight is all you have to do afterwards. The next day, you just take the dough out, cut out the doughnuts, and let it rest for a couple hours in a warm spot. Next, you get to frying, doing each side for two to three minutes. Doughnut holes may take a bit less time.



Recipe for Doughnuts, from Flour, very ever-so-slightly altered. (By the way, this cookbook is awesome, I can't recommend it enough)

Ingredients:
2 1/2 tsp active dry yeast (or 1 package)
2/3 cup milk, at room temperature. I used skim since it's all we had.
3 1/2 cups unbleached all-purpose flour. I like King Arthur Flour
1 1/3 cup sugar (1/3 for the recipe, 1 cup for the coating)
2 tsp kosher salt (If using table salt, use half this amount since it is finer.)
3 eggs (large)
7 tablespoons of butter, at room temperature, cut into eight or so pieces.
Canola Oil (for frying, you'll need enough to fill your pot/fryer with 3 inches of oil. Think half-gallon)

Directions:

- In a stand mixer (or a hand mixer), combine the milk and yeast, stirring briefly, letting it stand for a minute to dissolve.

- Add the flour, 1/3 cup sugar, salt, and eggs and mix on low speed for about a minute (or until the dough comes together).

- Continue mixing on low speed for another two to three minutes to develop the dough further, and begin adding the hunks of butter one or two at a time until the butter is fully incorporated, and the dough is soft and cohesive. This should take about five minutes or so.

- Remove the dough from the bowl (a spatula or dough scraper works well) and wrap tightly in plastic wrap and refrigerate for at least six hours, though overnight works well if you are doing this at night.

Day 2

- Lightly flour a baking sheet or two, and flour your work surface well. You don't want the dough sticking to your counter, right?

- Roll the dough out until it is 1/2 inch thick. This will be about a square foot, but if yours is more rectangular shaped than square, don't feel so bad.

- Using your doughnut cutters, cut out the doughnuts and place them on the baking sheet. Make sure the holes are close to the center. I don't think asymmetrical doughnuts qualify as modern art. Also, feel free to experiment with different sized cutters for smaller or larger doughnuts. When you run out of space to cut doughnuts, roll it back into a somewhat singular form and recut. You'll probably be able to get another doughnut or so out of the scraps. Or you could throw those scraps away, but think of the starving children when you do it, you bastard.

- Cover your doughnuts with plastic wrap (loosely, but so no air gets in) and place them in a warm area to rise for two to three hours. They should double in size and be slightly springy to the touch. Think poufy.

- After this agonizing wait, line a tray, baking sheet, or in my case a pizza pan with paper towels. Unless you like oily doughnuts, then by all means...

- Fill your fryer according to its directions, or a heavy saucepan to a depth of three inches and heat on medium-high heat. You want the oil at 350 degrees, so if you have a candy thermometer now is a good time to use it, just be careful. If you do not have a thermometer, toss a few flecks of flour into the oil. If it sizzles like a little boy doing a jig at a wedding, your oil is ready.

- Slowly place the doughnuts into the oil, one or two at a time. Fry each side for two to three minutes until brown (flipping carefully after the first side finishes).

- Don't dump anything into hot oil. You really don't want to burn yourself. You want to enjoy the doughnuts, right? Also, don't crowd the doughnuts, they won't fry as well, and we want these suckers perfect, don't we?

- Using a slotted spoon, or a wire mesh-like spoon thing, slowly extract the doughnuts from the oil and place them on the paper towels. I'd avoid using plastic utensils, since they could very possibly melt, and plastic doughnuts, while tantalizing, do not say "yummy" to me. I used metal tongs, since we don't have a slotted spoon or anything.

- While you wait for this magic to happen, fill a bowl with the one cup of sugar, or cinnamon sugar, or anything else you want to coat them with.

- Once cool enough to handle, toss the doughnuts in the sugar, cinnamon sugar, etc until coated to your liking. Some may like the completely embedded in sugar look, while other may prefer a light dusting, so coat to taste. I find that the munchkin doughnut holes are a good test for this.

- Set the coated doughnuts to cool on the paper towels for half an hour or so. You don't want to eat them when they are overly hot or when they are slightly doughy, so just be patient. Don't worry, it's worth it.

- If you are impatient, feel free to snack on some munchkins while you fry up the rest of the doughnuts. These seem to take less time to cool.

- Enjoy!


For the record, you want the oil at 350 Degrees Fahrenheit

My Milk Manifesto

I love milk. There is perhaps no truer fact in all of the world than this. I drink it almost exclusively every day. I can drink a gallon in a day if I am thirsty enough and so inclined as to drink it. Milk is the first thing I drink every morning and the last thing I drink before bed. There is little comfort in any drink other than milk.


And, for me, there is only one kind of milk: whole. Whole milk is delicious. Drinking whole milk is like lapping at a pool of heavenly dessert in liquid form. I never tire of milk's opaque goodness. Though, in these desperate times, I've relented and bought other milks because they were on sale.

My love for milk is so true, I've decided to pen a poem in its honor:

Oh milk, your snowy gaze does catch my eye
You rest above where my eggs do lie
A Day apart, I fear, brings dismal days
An eternal milk pool for which I pray
Will keep my milk monster at bay

Milk, aside from being delicious on its own, is rather versatile to boot. When added to cereal, one can sometimes hear the cereal speak to you. Added to coffee it takes is from an awful abyss of blackness to a cool brown in addition to making the coffee taste better. Milk is vital in baking, and I pretty much substitute is for anything anytime a recipe calls for water. (Except in bread and recipes where it matters.) Meatballs have a creamy texture with milk instead of water. Hot cocoa without milk is a travesty and shouldn't even be considered cocoa when made with water.

You can even get milk from animals other than cattle:

Milk can be flavored with chocolate, strawberry, and maybe lots of other flavors. Maybe hazelnut, or chocolate hazelnut would be yummy. Maybe someone could make a berry milk, too.

Milk goes into ice cream (though cream is the majority), sherbet, and gelato. Milk helps create a milkshake by lending more than just its name.

Some people bathe with it, though I can't imagine wasting that much milk for non-drinking purposes.

Annie Leibovitz took a pretty famous photo of Whoopi Goldberg in a milk-filled tub for the cover of Rolling Stone.

If I could, I think I'd like to drink milk this way, can upon can into milk cans. Though, I think that is even too much milk for me, not that I wouldn't mind trying to drink it all. =)

There is much more to be said about my love of milk and other dairy products, but for now this is where I leave you.

I Don't Understand What Borders Is Thinking Or Doing

Let's face it, Borders bookstore probably isn't going to be around much longer. They've been struggling for years now, and have been barely scraping by. And it makes perfect sense.

Borders, I want to like you, but you make it so damned difficult.

Krissy got a Borders gift card for Christmas, so we decided to look at their books in store and online. We make it a point to visit Borders regularly, because we are unemployed and it is an inexpensive way to have fun and get out of the house.

We found this book:




We like Phaidon. I have one of their books on Platon, the photographer. The pages are high quality, the books are bound well, and the photography is always superb. They are also really well designed.

In the store, the book was priced at just under $40, this just would not do. If there is one thing I know, it's that the price on ta book is not what you pay. I would think that a company that buys as many books as Borders could get a better deal. Of course, that probably won't happen anymore since they can't pay off the publishers for the books they've bought already.

So we tried buying a book from the store directly, and it's the worst price we could have gotten, lest someone charge more than the price on the book. So we decided to go to their website. We figured, the store's website ought to have a better deal, and we figured wrong. The price was the same. Yes, the biggest or second biggest brick-and-mortar bookstore in the country had the book for its MSRP. Oh, and shipping cost like $4 or something.And yes, there's still tax, because there is technically always tax.

So we were at something of a crossroads.I mean, we really wanted this cookbook. We don't have any general, all-purpose cookbooks, most of them are baking related. Okay, all of them are baking related. But $40 is a lot to ask when it's nearly half that price on Amazon. If you are curious, it's a wee bit less than $25 on Amazon. But Borders wants almost $46 for the same book.

I will tell you one thing: if we didn't have a gift card we would not have even considered buying the book from Borders. There is no reason why anyone should want to buy something from Borders when you can get the same thing quicker and cheaper from Amazon, or anywhere else. We didn't even have to spend our own money, and we still had to think over whether or not we should get the book with the gift card or just get it from Amazon, that's how ridiculous and weird we are.

Shipping from Amazon is free. I'm a prime member, so I get free two-day shipping. I order a book and it feels like it's here the very next day. I ordered the book from Borders days ago and it's not here. It feels like we've been waiting forever compared to buying books from Amazon.

I did find a coupon to save 33% on any book, and still we had to pay almost $33, which is still more expensive than Amazon.

I also don't like the Borders website. I felt like I was constantly being upsold on something. They mention free shipping all over their website, and then mention free 2-day shipping in other places. The free 2-day shipping is actually them offering a month free of some third-party program that is similar to Amazon prime (in price, too). So I felt like that was a tiny bit scammy. Members of the Borders Rewards program get free shipping over $25, and any order $40 or more gets free shipping. This is standard shipping, by the way, nothing expedited. Standard shipping apparently takes forever, since it's Fed-Ex Smart Post.

But I'm kind of annoyed that we still didn't qualify for free shipping. We are Borders Rewards members. I entered in the card number, which was required for the coupon anyway. We spent over $25, so shipping should be free, but it wasn't.

There is not a single quality about Borders, and the process of buying a book from them that could be described as either positive or redeeming in any way. Sure, I can go in and look at books before buying them from Amazon, but that's not really that big of a plus. I do like looking at books, though, and now and in the future that's all I will be doing at Borders. They just obviously do not want my business, because they seem to be trying awfully hard to not get it.

For the record, I have no problem buying books for their MSRP. I think the book is worth $40. I think the Platon book I have is easily worth much more than I paid for it (like $5, from an Amazon merchant). But if I am going to pay more for a book than I would at Amazon, I'm not going to be doing it at a giant company like Borders. I'm not going to reward them for doing a horrible job at running their business. No, I'm going to go to a local, independent bookstore and give them the $40. And until I can do that, Borders will get my foot traffic, and Amazon will get my money.

Good luck in the future Borders, because you're going to need it. Besides, we all know Barnes and Noble is just going to buy you anyway.

Snow...And Dorks

We got a lot of snow. Again. Apparently, we got 30" or so, and after shoveling it and walking in it, I'm going to have to agree. Walking through the snow, it went above my knees, and shoveling the snow, there were definitely some areas that had a really large amount of snow. But that's okay. I like snow. I like shoveling snow. I just don't like the small talk that goes along with it.

"A lot of snow, huh?" No, actually, It seems like more of a dusting to me, and the blood in the Saw franchise is more akin to a pin prick than anything more substantial. Of course there's a lot of snow. You can literally see the snow. You can see the piles of snow reaching five, six feet high. It's pretty fucking obvious there's a lot of snow out there, so saying something stupid like "We got a lot of snow, huh?" doesn't really say "conversation" to me. If that sounds harsh, I'm not sorry.

Of course, none of these photos are from this storm, these are from last weeks, when we got around a foot of snow. We're dorks and wanted to play in the snow. Me, being a really big dork, I decided to set up my strobe in our room to take some pictures. I was just kind of hoping to take some pictures that didn't totally suck. By that time, it's basically pitch black, and I figured having a nice, bright light source should make for some magical moments. Actually, I just wanted to take pictures of the snow. And I was going to take what I could get. Fortunately, it kind of worked out.

I really like the picture above. You can see the flash blowing out the window, and how much it lit up the yard. Krissy is running back to the house, probably t fetch some snow or something. I really like the nice, hard rim light around her hat. And the warmth of the lamp, while a bit jarring, adds a nice warm feeling to the photo. Winter is cold, the photos are cold, but I think that small touches of warm colors like that make them stand out a bit more. Ideally, I could have had a bit more warm tones in there, but oh well. For a snapshot, I really like it.

This is me. I'm probably getting ready to pick up some snow, or clapping my hands together, because that's how I roll. I like the light on my back, it has a very soft feel despite the light source being very hard. I found that the white snow everywhere was very forgiving, which was awesome, because the light meandered its way to places it otherwise would not have.

I got a gift card for the Gap, and I got that sweatshirt with it. Gap is ridiculously expensive considering the low quality of their clothing. I think the retail for that sweatshirt was around $70. Already some thread was coming undone and needed to be repaired. Also, it's not very thick. I really don't see how they could value it at that price. I think I paid around $30 for it, and even that is asking a lot. If it was my money, I would have left.

This is me throwing snow in the air. You can't see my face, obviously, but it's me, trust me, I ought to know.

Here's me again, I like the rim light here too. It has a weird holy kind of feel to it, which to me is peaceful. But I can see how someone would look at this and think it's kind of creepy. Ideally, I'd have had another light to light the front of me, but lights and water do not mix. I'd rather not obliterate my nice strobes, thank you very much.

Krissy took this one (and the others, except for the first one). I like it. It's a bit out of focus, but there's just something about it that I like. Also, my autofocus wasn't working at all for some reason. I attribute it to the cold, or the snow, so focusing was kind of a pain in the ass, considering how dark it was.

This is Krissy. I have to be pretty selective in what photos I show, and I think this one passed through her filter because you cannot really see her face. I love this picture though. She is smiling, and her hat is like, perfectly centered in the frame, and it really pops, color wise. The rim light around it only serves to accentuate it even more. And there's a little bit of overlap from it on her (camera side) shoulder, which I adore. 

This is from the first snowstorm, on the 26th (Boxing Day). I took this almost as an afterthought at the last minute before heading inside. I just wanted to take a picture of the snow falling, and I like how it turned out. It's nothing spectacular, but I like the ambiance of it. The photo is very wintry, which is what it is intended to portray.

Here is the same storm, as seen from the front door. These are steps which have been pretty much leveled off in snow. I think this storm was around 8-12 inches. This was the first experiment with the strobe, too. It was very awkward, and involved a boom (which we decided not to use) and Krissy, the most beautiful light stand ever. I only took a few photos, because I felt bad for her holding my light, and I didn't want to go traipsing through the snow.

The color in this one is weird, but I posted it anyway. This is what's nice about snow being white, the light bounces everywhere. This is below the window, so it might not have been lit up otherwise. I like it. It's a nice snapshot of the Christmas storm.

Bakerella has nothing on these. The red velvet recipe made for a delicious cake that, when combines with the frosting, created the richest, most amazing sweet ever. The frosting basically tasted like cheesecake, so when you bite in, you get a cakey texture, with the chocolate, that gives way to...cheesecake. They were quite decadent, but really yummy.

Obviously my technique for coating them could use some work, though I prefer things to look a little sloppy sometimes. Sure, sometimes perfection looks delicious and tasty, but it kind of makes you not want to eat it. With these, they're a bit messy and sloppy, so no one feels bad about messing up the perfect exteriors. They are more inviting. They say, "Eat me. I'm delicious. You know you want to."

Marshmallows. This time around, they were really sticky. And they worked their way all the way up the attachments. It actually was pretty amusing to watch. Of course, they were delicious. Peppermint marshmallows, yummy. Too bad everyone had to wait a week to eat them due to the snow, though.

My attempt at a chocolate confection. I don't like dark chocolate, but I actually kinda liked it. Salt makes chocolate better. Always. (Actually, it makes everything better, but chocolate especially). The picture looks like a turd, though, which makes it kind of funny.

This is what we all look like after Christmas, and getting snowed in. If only the oven wasn't obliterated and falling apart (literally), I could maybe make some goodies to go along with the bread I made last night. (Note: using the broiler to bake bread because the heating coil on the bottom fell apart is not the best method to bake bread, but it kind of works, if you're patient and pay attention.)

So You Think I Should Start A Bakery?

Yesterday, Krissy and I traveled to New York to celebrate Christmas with my mom at my brother Chris' apartment. Unsure about who, exactly, we should bring gifts for, we opted for the always appropriate goodies. I didn't want to show up empty-handed if my brothers had gifts for me. Besides, it might lessen the burden upon us in the week to come.

Last year, Krissy and I decided that since we really had no idea what to get people, and not really having time to coordinate gift buying, we baked. We enjoy baking, frankly. We have a system, usually, in which I mix the batters and she deals with the oven. Generally, I don't really like making things like cookies because they are too repetitive a process; I'm not a machine or a robot-- they are built for repetition. Needless to say, from time to time, I bake various goodies because others enjoy it (as do I).

For some reason, people will at this point suggest I open a bakery. I suppose that this idea is due to the fact that I've never found something I liked doing, and unemployment being what it is, any idea is better than no idea. I appreciate that people enjoy what I make enough to suggest opening a bakery. Unfortunately, there are some problems with the idea of opening a bakery.

First, I don't know what I'm doing. I don't even have proper pots much less mixers or other tools. I know that egg whites are emulsifiers (at least I think that's right?) but I don't necessarily know what that means. I can't create a recipe. To me, reading a recipe doesn't make me a cook or baker. It's like suggesting someone be an architect because they can follow the instructions to build a desk.

I don't know flavors, and how they interact and meld with each other. I haven't actually baked that much. I think that to start a bakery, I'll have had to make at least 1,000 cookies; I don't think I'm anywhere near that. Okay, maybe I am, but to be fair, I think the required number ought to be more like 10,000. I'm pretty exhausted from baking after a couple days of baking; I cannot fathom spending sixty-plus hours a week doing it. Operating a bakery is expensive. Ovens, employees, mixers, accessories, cases, tables, and everything else needed is not only overwhelming, but would cost more money than I have ever seen.

But, knowing people enjoyed the end product would be worth it.

So if I did own a bakery, this is what I would want:

First of all, to call it a bakery would be a misnomer; I think we'd serve a few different foods. Of course, there would be plenty of sweets and baked goods. I'd also want to sell fresh bread made daily. I'd like to serve lunch in the form of pizzas, burgers, and a few other classic Dennis foods. Oh, and ice cream. I'd make ice cream year round.

I'd like to have the seats be old school desks. I'd like to have booths and tables too, since I understand we can't all fit into school desks anymore (especially if we're eating sweets). I'd like to have a jukebox, too, or maybe just a record player, I'm not sure. Regardless, I love music, and there would definitely be some sweet tunes playing in my shoppe.

As for pricing, that's easy; pay what you want. I don't think food needs to be exorbitantly expensive. And I understand that some people can't afford to go out and eat sometimes. Whereas, maybe other people can and can pay more. I don't know how successful my plan would be, and clearly I'd need to have a lot of money to do it. But that is how I would run my bakery. Pay what you can or want. You don't get paid until Friday? That's fine, have a slice of pizza and a few cookies, maybe even a scoop of ice cream. Come back on Friday and pay what you want, or not; that's fine.

So if you think I should start a bakery, just know that it's only under those circumstances.

It's The Little Things...

It's Christmastime, so it's time to reflect on the past year. Personally, I'd rather reflect on the happy things than the sad ones. So, what are the seemingly little things in life that make you happy? We all have those small, innocuous events of daily life that snap us out of our stupors, what's yours? Is it the first time you light up the Christmas lights on your tree or in your home. Is it setting a certain ornament on your tree, or lighting the last candle on your menorah? Maybe, for you, your happy feelings don't necessarily come from a holiday tradition, but from something simpler.

For me, it's ice. I don't actually like ice, necessarily. Most of the time, ice merely waters down a drink and ruins it, in a sense. No, when I say ice, I mean a specific ice. The ice that makes me stop and smile is crushed ice; specifically, crushed ice in water.

I don't really enjoy drinking excessively cold drinks. Truth be told, I don't even really like drinking water (though, I drink it because I need to). But I love filling up a cup with crushed ice and a little water. I love listening to the ice as it cracks, which can from time to time be more pronounced than others. I love that with crushed ice, the water fuses the individual pieces together, forming a giant iceberg-like island of icy goodness floating amid the water.

I love breathing into the cup, seeing my breath as it gets trapped between the floating mass of ice and my face. I like to think of it as it's own small island, harboring perhaps its own breed of Lilliputians. (By the way, can you believe the travesty they're turning Gulliver's Travels into?). Sometimes, I just let the ice sit there, wobbling about in the water, for these reasons. I don't like to think of the melting away of their island homes. I don't like to think of me drinking their water, their homes. I don't like to think of them as being trapped, or like they are my playthings. No, because by then, I think they're gone, just like we will one day, when the sun explodes engulfing Earth in its wake. I certainly hope that when that day comes, no one is left; just like those little ice-bound Lilliputians.

The Tastiest Ice Cream You'll Ever Eat

Hello again! I'm going to share a recipe with you today, I hope you don't mind. Of course today's recipe is for Ice Cream, and not just any ice cream, this one is delicious. You can tell this is totally worth it because I capitalized Ice Cream. Did you notice it? I did it again there, too. 

You might be thinking to yourself that ice cream making is complicated, or a lot of work, and ice cream is fairly inexpensive, so why should I make it. Don't think that. I swear if you make this ice cream you will not only find that it was worth it, but you just might want to go out and buy an ice cream maker and never buy that other stuff again.

I do think I should give you a warning before we begin, though. Beware that the path you may find yourself on will be one that is rich with eggs and cream. While I believe that this ice cream is worth every scrumptious drop of fat that's in it, you might want to eat it again, and again, and again. Also, making ice cream is somewhat of a process, but the same holds true for really anything worth eating. I don't think anyone's ever thought, "Wow, that TV dinner blew my mind" but maybe I'm wrong. All told this will take about 4 hours or so, depending on how efficient you are. Personally, I'm horrible at multitasking in the kitchen so things seem to take me a bit longer. Regardless, most of the time is spent waiting for the ice cream to freeze. I'd say as far as actual work/preparation time, this ice cream probably takes no more than half an hour. You will need to stick around to periodically mix, though, so if you don't want to be beholden to the house for the occasional mixing you might want to pick up an ice cream maker. I'd like this one personally, this one is cheaper and takes up much less space if money and space is more of an issue.

One of the nicest things about making your own ice cream is you know what's in it. This recipe doesn't have anything like carrageenan, mono- and di-glycerides, or cloned fish proteins in it, unlike some of those grocery store ones. Nope, just egg yolks, milk, cream, sugar, salt, and vanilla in this ice cream. There is one other benefit to making your ice cream that I haven't mentioned yet, and that is that while you are making it, you can imagine this song in your head:

Okay, so let's get started, shall we? First off, you don't need an ice cream maker for this. Would it help? Probably. I don't have one so I wouldn't know. If you are going to make ice cream only a few times a year you likely don't need one, but if you are going do make it regularly (once a month or more) I think I'd get one. You can get them for around $60 and with it being the holiday season I'm sure amazon will have some sweet deals. If you don't have a machine, you'll need a had mixer. I suppose you could use a stand mixer, but a hand mixer will be much more convenient. Electric or the hand-crank style works, too.

You'll also need a medium-sized sauce pan, 2 quart bowl and 4 quart bowl. I'm going to assume you have measuring cups and if you don't you probably should pick some up, unless you can eyeball everything. I'd recommend a silicone spatula for stirring the mixture. They don't transfer heat and won't melt like plastic does, but you can use a wooden spoon. Finally, you'll need a fair amount of ice and some kosher salt or rock salt.

This recipe is from David Lebovitz, author of The Perfect Scoop. His blog is a fun read if you like reading about food, or Paris.

Ingredients:

Vanilla Ice Cream
Makes Approximately 1 quart (1l)

1 cup (250ml) whole milk
A pinch of salt
3/4 cup (150g) sugar
1 vanilla bean, split lengthwise
2 cups (500ml) heavy cream
8 large egg yolks
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract

Now for the process:

First, in a medium-sized saucepan heat the milk, salt, and sugar. Next, cut the vanilla bean lengthwise and scrape the seeds into the milk mixture, then add the bean into the milk as well. Cover your saucepan, remove it from the heat, and let it infuse for an hour. Now take a break. Watch some TV, work on dinner, maybe. Or, since you're going to be eating a whole lot of ice cream (I know, a quart isn't all that much) maybe go for a walk or a jog. It's wintertime, now's the best time for jogging.

Now that you're back from your jog, set up an ice bath (for the ice cream, not you) by partially filling the bigger bowl with ice and water, then put the smaller bowl inside of that. Depending on the bowls you use, the smaller bowl may float and bob around (mine did). I kind of like it, it's fun, but if you're concerned, I suppose you could use a nice heavy ceramic or porcelain type bowl. Mine is aluminum or steel or something, so it's buoyant. Anyway, put a strainer over the small bowl, then pour the cream into it. Personally I don't own a strainer, so I didn't strain mine. I didn't notice anything wrong with the final product, so if you don't have a strainer don't worry, though I'm pretty sure almost everyone but me owns one.

Next, grab another bowl, small or medium-sized is fine, you're just whisking up the egg yolks, so most anything should suffice. By the way, at this point, if you are worried about fat content, you can use five egg yolks instead of eight. This will cut down on fat, but will make it less smooth and creamy when it's finished. The reason being that fat doesn't freeze, so you don't get ice crystals and we don't want ice crystals. If you are going to mix by hand and use 5 egg yolks instead of eight, you can add a little bit of alcohol, since it too does not freeze.

If you know how to separate egg whites and yolks you can skip this next paragraph. If you don't know how, a video may be more helpful. I don't have any photos of the process, but I'll do my best to describe it well. Here goes nothing. You'll want to crack the egg in the middle. Tap it on a counter or a bowl (technically, the counter is the proper method). separate the two halves of the shell. At this point you should have what looks like two cups. One of the cups should have the egg in it and the other will be empty. Now what you'll want to do is pour the egg from one cup to the other, and do it slowly. What will happen is the egg white and the yolk will begin to separate. Continue this pass the yolk game 3 or 4 times and you should end up with the yolk in one cup and the white in the other. Put the yolk in the bowl and take the white and put it in some tupperware for future use. You can freeze egg whites just fine, and use them later on for baking, so don't just throw them out. I hope this description helped, if not you can look up a video. I'm sure there are plenty of them on YouTube.

Now continue with the eggs until you have all the yolks in a bowl and whisk them together into a little bowl of orangey goodness and rewarm the milk/vanilla/sugar solution. Once the milk is warmed up, slowly ladle in a small amount of the milk into the yolks whisking constantly as you do so. That might sound a little confusing, so I will go over that again. Oh, and this would be a good time to have a spare set of hands to help you. You're going to want to be whisking the egg yolks and you slowly pour in some of the warmed milk into the eggs. Does that make sense?

(If you're wondering why you do this, it's to temper the eggs. If you pour the yolks into the warm milk, they'd cook immediately and scramble, which is not what we want. Scrambled eggs are delicious, but not in ice cream. We want nice, creamy, smooth ice cream.)

Now that you've tempered your yolks to the milk and both are warmed, you can pour the yolk mixture into the saucepan, scraping the bowl to make sure you get it all.

Now that we have the two mixtures together, we're going to want to cook them over a low heat. Be sure you keep the mixture in constant motion, stirring it and scraping the bottom with that spatula I mentioned earlier. This will likely take a bit of time. I cooked mine over a very low heat. I may have cooked it a bit lower than necessary but I didn't want to risk cooking it too fast, and I'm a patient person. I want to say it took me maybe 20 minutes or so. Regardless, you'll want to keep this stirring up until the mixture coats the spatula. If you want to check whether the mixture is ready you can do this two ways. First, run your hand across the mixture on the spatula. If the spot stays clean you're good to go. If, however, the mixture spreads back into the area you wiped, keep going. The other way is once the eggs start firming up a little on the spatula. Think when you make scrambled eggs and it first turns from liquid to that little bit of solid/liquid-ness it gets.

Now that the custard is finished, you'll want to pour it through the strainer into the heavy cream in the ice bath. This will stop the eggs from cooking; this is a good thing. Like I said, we want ice cream, not eggs. After you've finished adding the custard to the cream, stir them until they are cool, and add the vanilla extract, and chill the mixture completely.

At this point, if you have an ice cream maker, you can cool it overnight and then add it to the machine according to its directions. If, like me, you don't have an ice maker, fear not.

Once the ice cream base is cooled completely, we're going to put it in something very similar to an ice bath, except in this case there's no water and only one bowl. I happen to have some old Blue Bunny ice cream containers which are made of plastic, not the normal cardboard. If you don't have these or can't find them you'll need to find something else. You're going to want to have the container surrounded, so something bowl like works well.

Now that you've got your container, surround it with ice in the larger bowl. Now add some rock salt or kosher salt to that and mix it around some. This will lower the temperature and help in the ice creams freezing. If you have access to it, and you're a little nuts, you can use liquid Nitrogen instead. Liquid Nitrogen is kind of hard to get though (I think) and it's pretty dangerous when misused, so just be careful if you go that route. Put the ice cream in the freezer and check it in forty-five minutes. If you don't have a strainer, like me, you can just pluck out the two vanilla bean halves before freezing the ice cream.

After forty-five minutes, the ice cream may be firming up around the edges but will be otherwise soupy. Stir it and mix it around with a spatula for a few minutes and plop it back in the freezer. Check it every thirty minutes for about three hours, mixing with a hand mixer at each break for a few minutes. You want to make sure you break up any ice crystals that might occur and ensure a nice smooth ice cream. By the time two and a half hours elapse, you'll be pretty excited (at least I was) that it's now firmed up enough to resemble something like soft serve ice cream. After mixing it for the last time you can eat some if you'd like. I left mine in the freezer overnight to solidify even more.

At this point, I'm going to assume you don't need instructions on eating this delicious ice cream. Scoop it into your mouth and enjoy. I can't wait to make it again. Next time? Chocolate sherbet. If you like chocolate you're probably going to be in heaven for that one. =)

P.S. If you want to follow along and my descriptions are too lengthy here is a more concise version from David Lebovitz:

1. Heat the milk, salt, and sugar in a saucepan. Scrape the seeds from the vanilla bean into the milk with a paring knife, then add the bean pod to the milk. Cover, remove from heat, and infuse for one hour.

2. To make the ice cream, set up an ice bath by placing a 2-quart (2l) bowl in a larger bowl partially filled with ice and water. Set a strainer over the top of the smaller bowl and pour the cream into the bowl.

3. In a separate bowl, stir together the egg yolks. Rewarm the milk then gradually pour some of the milk into the yolks, whisking constantly as you pour. Scrape the warmed yolks and milk back into the saucepan.

4. Cook over low heat, stirring constantly and scraping the bottom with a heat-resistant spatula, until the custard thickens enough to coat the spatula.

5. Strain the custard into the heavy cream. Stir over the ice until cool, add the vanilla extract, then refrigerate to chill thoroughly. Preferably overnight.

6. Remove the vanilla bean and freeze the custard in your ice cream maker according to the manufacturer’s instructions.

Note: Used vanilla beans can be rinsed and dried, then stored in a bin of sugar. That sugar can be used for baking and, of course, for future ice cream making. 

Mmmm!