On Twilight And The Questions I Have

On Sex:

Edward Cullen is a vampire; he's freezing cold, how does that feel good for a woman?

Vampires are made out of granite or diamonds or something, wouldn't Edward and his glistening, diamond dick rip Bella to shreds?

Vampires have semen?

Vampires don't have blood, right? Then how does Edward get an erection to have a baby with Bella anyway?

On Powers:

If vampires have superhuman strong teeth and jaws, how come they just break the skin, and don't bite right through the arm. I mean, James broke Bella's leg just by pressing on it.

Edward is always driving a car. But he's superfast. Is this to seem normal? Why doesn't he just run. Most of the time it's just because he's pissed off at Jacob when he shows up in a car.

On Food:

Is it really appropriate for vampires to call themselves vegetarians because they eat animals and not humans? That's kind of like vegans and vegetarians who eat fish "because it's not meat"

Any human food vampires eat they must cough up because they cannot digest it. What about liquids? Does Edward have to cough up Bella's spit after they kiss?

Why do the Cullen's have a huge, bad ass kitchen filled with all kinds of kitchen appliances, tools, and cookware if they don't ever need to eat?

Do the Italian police really not notice that tour groups in Volterra regularly disappear?

How do people from Volterra not notice that the Volturi haven't aged over thousands of years?

How do people have claimed to "vanquish" vampires from the city? They never get suspicious that daily, dozens of people die when they go to the Volturi Castle? No one's suspicious.


When werewolves change, their shorts are shredded, but when they change back to humans their shorts are magically repaired. What gives?

On Acting:

Does Kristen Stewart really always need to look like she's going to hurl? It's like she's watching the nude scenes in The Room.

Charlie's mustache does an excellent job acting as a mustache. Brava!

Kristen Stewart doesn't always have to look pained and stammer, you know. Just sayin'

Why don't Edward and Bella ever look at each other? They're always looking off to the side, or down.

On Assimilation:

Carisle is a practicing doctor. One would assume he's licensed, et cetera. Does no one notice he's been paying dues since doctors started needing to pay them?

In the same vein (I think that's right?), the IRS never notices that he's been filing taxes for several hundred years? One would imagine that, at the very least, this would increase his odds of being audited. At some point, one has to assume the IRS would find out about his whole being a vampire thing. Then maybe the Volturi could nail him.

As Americans, all of them should have social security numbers, I'd imagine. If Carlisle claims any of them as dependents for taxes, they'd definitely need social security numbers. Carlisle probably has had one since 1936, when they were first introduced, since he's been working as a doctor since at least before 1920, when he "turned" Edward. Does the Social Security Administration and the IRS never notice this discrepancy?

What about the reuse of social security numbers. It would seem that at some point this would affect the Cullens.


How does Bella marry Edward? This marriage can't possibly be legal. And what of their half-breed child, Renesmee? Is this child registered with the government? So on and so forth.

Why do the Cullen's attend school? They don't have to, it seems like they're trying to go out of their way to show vampires are real. I'd think that living in the public, attending school (except in good weather), and the like only go against the whole vampire code of not letting humans know vampires exist.

How do they even attend school? There is paperwork and stuff necessary for attending school. And when they move, you'd assume they'd request school records. Do the Cullen's just lie and say they're incoming freshman? Considering how old they all look, I'd find it hard that hard to believe. So if they are attending as seventeen-year-olds, wouldn't they need transfer records?

The Cullen's must forge an awful lot of paperwork. Schools, taxes, mortgages, bank info, et cetera.

On Death, and Stuff:

When humans are turned into vampires, then what? By that I mean, what of their human bodies? Are they forever referred to as "missing persons?"

When they assume the name, "Cullen" that's not going to get them very far. I mean, they'd have no documentation whatsoever. I understand in the last book, Bella and Edward go on their Honeymoon off the coast of South America. How does a Vampire get a passport? Edward went to Italy, too.

Do vampires just walk across the ocean, or do they use their super speed to circumvent border security? (Note: I wonder how Fox News feels about this)

Bella becomes a vampire. She must "go missing" or something. Honestly, how do they get away with this? Charlie would never stop looking for her. Are we supposed to believe that her family will just let her go? Does she "die" but they never see a body?


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